I have tears today...

"The Special Mother" by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."
"I watched her today.
She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty,
prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

hmmm sleep would be nice

Well it is about 3:22am and I can't sleep! I wish I could blame it on Scarlett but she is actually sleeping right now...hopefully.I just gave Owen some tylenol to help bring down his metabolic fever...yep that's right wierd I know.He played alot the day before yesterday and now he is fighting bad stomach pain and a fever that goes up to 103. He is dealing with a chronic stomachache for over a month now and we are waiting to have him scoped.I can see his body fighting itself and it scares the crap out of me, but this is his reality. Yep...his reality you play like a healthy 5 year old and your body goes haywire. So what are my choices be a overbearing,suffocating mother..or let him do it and pay the price. The scary thing is if his energy gets too drained he could regress or lose more healthy mitochondria and then what? Let's see end up in a wheelchair sooner, or maybe start having seizures. I don't know the answer that's why I am writing this at 3am in hopes of my brain relaxing a little.
Scarlett is still helathy as a horse and as beautiful as they come. We are having alot of sleep issues since moving her into her big girl bed. We seem to spend alot of time together around 2am or so. I almost dont mind in the sense we can bond be together just her and I. She makes my world alot brighter that is for sure:)I can't believe she will be 2 soon! Ok with all that said I hope my mind can now ....nope Owen just called me, no sleep for mothers right?